Keys for a better relationship from R.R. Shakti, PhD.
MJ and I have been together for fifteen years. Most of that time has been pretty easy, but there have been moments (or months) that were down right HARD! We struggled to communicate, failed to see each other's point of view, and generally lost our way.
Through fits and starts, we have made it to the sweetest, juiciest, most connected time of our Love...so far.
If you are trying to find Love but your wheel is spinning, get yourself back to your center. That's where the Love originates.
Breathe, meditate, practice you...then ask your lover the following three questions. They will completely transform your relationship for the (oh so much!) better.
1. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, TODAY?
It's easy to get caught up in the feeling of lack–"not enough" time, money...energy.
We unconsciously turn to our partners to fill the perceived void with a "what can you give me?" approach to relationships. And before too long we feel that we are just not getting our needs met.
But when you embrace the reality that you are a uniquely embodied expression of the Infinite, you come to know your Self as whole–complete just as you are.
You recognize that your partner, too, is a uniquely embodied expression of the Infinite.
You see every person as a uniquely embodied way for Infinite Consciousness to witness itself, that is, to experience "with-ness."
With-ness requires a subject/object relationship, after all. There must be a semblance of "otherness" in order to experience "togetherness."
Creation stories worldwide explain that the playful and sacred dance of relationship requires a singular Infinite Consciousness to become two (and then myriad more created things) so that Self-knowledge, aka Source-knowledge, aka LOVE can actually happen.
When we Love each "other" we are fulfilling the universal destiny of reunion with Source.
When you wake up each morning, look your partner in the eye, and inquire:
"What can I do for you, today?"
you are REALLY asking:
"What can I do in the service of Infinite Love, today?"
"What can I do for my Self, today?"
(That is "Self" with a capital "S"–the YOU that is way bigger than your ego.)
When we serve each "other," we serve the One Love that abides within–beyond all opposites.
2. WHAT AM I NOT SEEING?
Because we are each uniquely embodied expressions of Infinite Love, we each witness the human experience from a distinctly unique point of view. Friends, lovers, co-workers, even so-called "enemies" can be our greatest mirrors, revealing our blind spots.
From his vantage point, my partner sees things that I sometimes overlook.
Once a week, or so, I will ask him: "What am I missing?"
It gives him an opportunity to air his grievances in a loving way...before they get bottled up and shaken. It gives us both permission to be human. We grow together as we help each other broaden our scope and clarify our vision.
But it takes practice.
I have to let go of my ego's attachment to being "right."
I have to listen without defense, which can be a colossal challenge sometimes.
But it's always worth it.
There is nothing more delicious than feeling Loved in my wholeness–feeling Loved in my complete and vulnerable humanity. When I let myself be wrong, it allows someone to Love me anyway–unconditionally.
Some of the deepest bonding happens when I let my lover clean my lenses and receive the valuable insight of his heart's unique perspective.
3. WHAT IS YOUR SOUL'S DREAM?
According to teachings of non-dual Tantra, every person shares a common Soul's purpose: to live our lives as uniquely embodied expressions of One Love.
Your unique expression of Love may take various forms throughout your human experience, as you awaken more and more to the reality of your infinite potential.
Your intentions, visions, hopes, and ideas are the stuff of your Soul's dream. You get to decide how you want to express your particular embodiment of the Infinite...to the world.
It may look quiet or rowdy. It may be earthy, watery, fiery, airy...or outer-spacey. It might include flowers, computers, baked-goods, and/or jokes. This is your story. And you are a Soul Artist.
The full moon is a sacred time for connecting to an "other." Allow your light to illumine each other's hearts. It can be a powerful time to ask your friend, sister, father, or lover: "What is your Soul's Dream, in this moment...right now?"
Listen intently for the real answer. The one that shines bright beyond "should"s or "if only"s–
the dream that comes unabashedly, ecstatically, and giddily from the Soul.
When we honor and celebrate our Souls' Dreams together, we remember that we are each fulfilled in our own individual wholeness. We are reminded that those two "whole"s fit perfectly together...
in One Love.
R.R. Shakti, PhD
* PS: If you feel that you may be caught in an abusive relationship, please seek support.